I meant to jump into instructional moves, strategy ideas, moves for management, but my head has been stuck in other places this week, working to build relationships with students that earn me the right to influence their learning. Some students come along as anticipated, respond when I Notice them, Engage in conversation, or Relate when we find common interests or ideas. I love this process; it’s authentic and meaningful. It fuels my instruction.
But.
Years of tricky situations sometimes leave me believing a negative narrative when I struggle to connect with a student. Why would you not complete the reading when you want to be a teacher?! How can you slump in that chair when soon you are going to lead others?! When will you look at me when I’m modeling proximity and body language for words-free management!?
I’m not always good at the benefit of the doubt, so I assume they are bored, they don’t like me, my sense of humor isn’t funny, or they know All The Things. Already.
These thoughts impact my ability to plan confidently, to be transparent and wily in my instruction, and to takes risks that push our collective process as we learn.
Author and speaker Graham Cooke says that every thought we have has a “sponsor.” We can trace our thoughts back to people and experiences, he notes, and discover the role they play in our mindset. When I struggle to connect, my thoughts are sponsored by imagined inadequacies, past failures, sideways glances, unsupported assumptions. Stress over these things is an “inside job,” Cooke asserts, like inviting a bad-mannered guest for dinner and then wondering why the evening ends badly.
So. I’m back to accepting responsibility, not just for the relationships that help students learn, but for the story I tell myself about constructing culture.
Here’s the truth:
The student who didn’t read? In the ER for a torn air sac in her lungs.
The slumper? Battling an infection but wanted to come to class.
The lack of eye contact? A cultural response to the perception of power roles in the classroom.
I need to turn my doubts into wonder, and let curiosity and compassion sponsor my thoughts. I need to trace the process that builds trust with my students and have the patience deep roots require.
